https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKVGm1vE3nk
Saturday, 31 December 2016
EMSKR: When and how should you shave your first teenage facial hair?
Hi, I am a teenager, and I've a mustache, and a few hairs below my lips (where a goatee is). I don't know if I should shave it. If it's up to preference, then I'd like to shave it, but I've heard that if you shave it, it will grow very thick, and you'll get really hairy, which I don't want. I would like to be as hair free as I can.
Friday, 30 December 2016
EMSKR: How To Groom Your Eyebrows
I have had a shitty ass unibrown for a while now. In high school my mom's friend would just do threading for me, but I moved now and I have no idea what to do. It has been growing freely for about 3 years and its really thick in the center.
I have searched and all I see is to pluck with tweezers, but idk what the best shape or anything for my eyebrows to look good.
Thursday, 29 December 2016
EMSK: How to open a beer with another beer (Or just about anything)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga5ebLVn1ZQ
Wednesday, 28 December 2016
EMSK: Creating A Meaningful Morning Routine Will Make You More Successful
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTMVMBEDSVs&t=1s
EMSKR: How to safely stop a fight.
Hey guys, I recently got hired as a bouncer/bar back at the local college bar in town. I've never broken up a fight before, and from what I hear they do happen at my new job every now and then.
So I'm asking, how to safely break a fight up without getting too hurt or hurting the others?
EMSK: How to Fix & repair rusty dented panels on an old vehicle (1961 Chevy Apache)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58dBqhBjfmw
Tuesday, 27 December 2016
EMSK How to start living on your own Terms, Define Your Fears, and become more effective. (The 4 Hour Workweek Ideas)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rVpupuvfxQ
Kodaline singer surprises dad with new car on Christmas Day
https://twitter.com/SteveKodaline/status/813433432328073217
EMSK: Whatever you're going through. Stay calm and know that it shall pass. Happy Holidays...
https://youtu.be/XNkRyIrFR60
Monday, 26 December 2016
EMSK: How to Slow Down Time to make your Next Years ahead more Memorable
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU3G0J-KuMw&t=312s
Sunday, 25 December 2016
EMSK: Why Girls Go For A**holes. Why the nice guy finishes last.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NiKREQEFns
EMSK: Why the chase for more pleasure is a fools errand[animated video]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctrGxSLz570
Saturday, 24 December 2016
EMSKR: Is there a proper way to pee standing up while wearing underwear without a flap?
Many of my more recent trunks and boxer briefs don't have flaps. This conundrum confounds me. Help.
Who Else Uses Rings of Blast straps for bodyweight movements?
I find the fact that you can rotate your wrists to be a big plus.
I made a video on what other movements I like with gymnastics rings.
Groin pain when squatting.. need advice
Hi guys,
I'm a 22 y/o male and I've been a regular gym goer this past 5/6 years. I play rugby and during this offseason I have focused on heavy strength training in order to add some physical size.
However, when I squat I have a problem that I have no explanation for and as a result, would like some of your advice.
It happens more when I go to the heavier end of my squatting capabilities. I feel some pain in the both of my groins and despite this reoccurring problem I do feel that I have good form in my squat so I can't imagine as that being the glaring problem. I do my best to push through my heels and really feel the lift in my glutes and hamstrings. However, this doesn't prove to be the case as I often feel like (despite powering through my heels) my groins are taking all the weight.
I'm wondering if you might have an explanation as to why this might be. The only ideas I've had are: 1) that my glutes aren't flexible enough (though I get good depth in my squat)
2) that my glutes aren't strong enough for the chosen weight and therefore the weight goes into my groins.
3) my groins aren't flexible enough
4) my hips have poor flexibility and therefore the strain is put onto my groins
5) I haven't properly activated or warmed up my lower body muscles and therefore it's just stiffness...
I really am so unsure as to why it might be!!!
As a remedy I have considered yoga and just having a better routine of stretching at some stage everyday in the particular muscles that I use when squatting but I'm not even sure if that helps like I imagine it might...
I look forward to hearing everyone's responses and even look forward to finding out if anyone experiences the same problem...
Thanks!!
Friday, 23 December 2016
EMSK: Why new year's resolutions are USELESS - and what you should do instead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOLTZrXn1cQ
Thursday, 22 December 2016
Wednesday, 21 December 2016
EMSK: How to turn on offline browsing in Google Chrome - view web pages offline chrome
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPZGU--w3mI
EMSKR: How to purchase eyeglasses
I need eyeglasses for the first time in my life (mid-30s). I've never done this before, and I'm getting such different advice from different people. I feel so lost - everything from choosing the right style, to where to buy frames, how to get lenses put in, etc etc etc.
Anyone have a good guide or feel generous about posting their best experiences?
EMSK: How to save yourself if you fall through ice on a pond or lake
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKpAzvXSldA
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
EMSK: About having power over your mind and not outside events [video]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ux4SGaXf2fc
Professional hockey player tears up as son watches him score in hometown [1:20]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ath5E3oyGbo
Monday, 19 December 2016
EMSK: How to Tie a Tie Yourself POV FPV
https://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=oYLxrrCpuaI&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhPjKfAFoXEU%26feature%3Dshare
EMSK: How To Meditate - The only 3 tips you will ever need
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8VHFS6t2vA
Sunday, 18 December 2016
Saturday, 17 December 2016
EMSK: Napoleon Hill says that the one trait common with all 'successful' people is PERSISTENCE. When the going gets tough and every fiber of your being wants to give up, It's at this point that the men are separated from boys. Those who keep on, arrive at their goal, stronger than ever.
https://youtu.be/JNYMfRsup0U
Friday, 16 December 2016
EMSK: 12 Speed Reading Tips and How to Learn from Books more Effectively
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGmmvSytPiQ
EMSK: Don't fall for the Spotlight effect. "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do"
The spotlight effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the centre of one's own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others has shown to be uncommon.
This is the single biggest piece of advice I can give for people that are socially anxious. It took me a long time and many burned bridges to realize that people really don't think about what you do nearly as much as you do.
The worst part about this, is even if you are a genuinely caring person, you will come off as extremely self-centred, because frankly you are. It's not your fault, you just have to start viewing things like other people do, in that when you do something, it probably wasn't even noticed until you commented about it being weird.
P.S. It's better to sit and listen than trying to fill the silence. The more you do talk the more people will be critical of you both good and bad. If you talk just enough to be contribute to the conversation without taking it over people can begin attributing their own likes to you simply because they are able to talk to you about their likes, even if you don't care, you might find out it's more interesting than you thought. I go in with an attitude of learning something new from every new person I have a conversation with.
EMSK: The 'Telescoping Effect' - Why Time Goes By Faster As We Get Older (And How To Slow It Down)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpS2q2ng05M
Thursday, 15 December 2016
EMSK: How to Take Care of Your Body (The Principles of Health and Hormesis)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCXs6weEX2U
Wednesday, 14 December 2016
EMSK How To stop Procrastinating. Seriously Stop doing it! We got this! Watch now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_fIgEi5-AM
EMSK: Stephen King said, “Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” To achieve any long-term goal, you must give up on motivation and focus on starting positive habits. Motivation constantly changes. However, habits will endure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIHFd8GzyWs
EMSK how to unclog a bathtub drain in a few seconds with 2 plungers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZZA5oxnpyE
I love this sub. I hope we have a great holiday season!
This sub always tears me apart, and the holidays can bring out the best in people. It kills me, but it hurts so good. Hope everyone has a great time with loved ones.
And don't be afraid to share those great sentimental moments!
Tuesday, 13 December 2016
EMSK: How to inform an officer that you are carrying a handgun and live!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOO99qcASEM
EMSKR: How to infuse a new person into a prexisting group?
Hello everyone!!
I'm sure this request can apply to many people.
That being said, I have a specific application for any tips I can get. Long story short, I've started seeing someone new and want to bring her to a party with about 15 close friends of mine.
She's fairly shy but have had the opportunity to meet and hang out with about half of them once or twice. There will be drinks to be had and I want her to feel comfortable and included by everyone.
Monday, 12 December 2016
EMSK: The 3 Skills That Completely Change Your Social Life [xpost from /r/socialskills]
If you use these skills you'll connect with people on a deeper level than you're used to.
You'll learn to love talking with people, and people will love talking with you.
Skill #1 - A good listener doesn't listen to respond. They listen to learn.
"Listening" is not just "hearing". It's asking good questions that help you understand the other person.
My girlfriend told me "I don't like it when you tell me how to do things. I feel like you're judging me."
"I'm not judging you." I said. "It was just a suggestion."
I was not listening.
Regardless of how I experienced it, her experience was that I was judging her.
A bad listener focuses on explaining his own experience.
A good listener focuses on learning about the other person's experience:
"Which part makes you feel like I'm judging you?"
"Was it what I said, or how I said it?"
"How would you like me to make suggestions in future? Or would you prefer it if I didn't make suggestions?"
A good listener improves the way he relates with the other person by learning how they think. Learning what's important to them.
A bad listener learns nothing.
At an interview for a sales job I was asked "How will you bring us 10 new clients in your first month?"
I didn't have an answer prepared. I panicked and blurted out the usual ways of reaching new clients. It was an empty, generic answer.
I was not listening. Any monkey could've rattled off that list.
When the interviewer asked that question what he really wanted to know was: "Does this guy know what he is doing?"
A good listener would've unpacked the interviewer's question and learned what the interviewer was looking for:
"You know I haven't really thought about specific strategies. What's your biggest bottleneck right now in getting new clients on board?"
A good listener aims to understand deeply.
A bad listener misses the point.
Skill #2 - How to quickly find common interests (not the way you're thinking)
Don't get stuck in polite conversation. There's no "skin" invested in it. You've got to get at least a little bit naked (so to speak) in order to make friends with someone. Here's how you do it:
We humans have just 4-8 basic emotions, depending on which study you read: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation. Everything we experience triggers a combination of these basic emotions. There aren’t that many combinations.
We may not have experienced the same activities, but we have experienced the same emotions. So when I say you need to find common interests, I mean you need to find something that sparks similar emotions in both of you.
Say Felipe is studying to be an architect, and Manuela is studying to be a doctor. Felipe doesn’t care about medicine and Manuela doesn’t care about Architecture. They ask each other polite questions:
Felipe: Oh I hear you have to study for a long time to be a Doctor. How many years do you have left?
Manuela: Yeah, I’ve got another 2 years. 7 total. Although you never really stop learning. What do you want to design when you graduate?
Felipe: Bridges. I mainly want to design bridges. But I guess I’d be happy designing anything.
Manuela: Yeah I know what you mean, I just want to graduate already as well!
This is pretty boring, right? Neither of them are offering or asking for emotional information. You need to make an effort to understand them. This chitchat isn’t going to cut it.
At this level of conversation they have to keep thinking of new topics every few seconds. The ideas will dry up pretty soon. This is why conversations often feel like hard work. It’s much easier to pause and explore one topic for a while.
So here’s what you do...
You don’t just listen to respond. You listen to understand. You go deeper.
-
Offer your own emotional information
-
AND dig for their emotional information.
Keep digging until you understand their way of thinking. Until you feel the emotion they’re talking about. Then show them that you understand by sharing a similar experience of your own.
These questions are your friends:
-
WHAT do you like about that?
-
WHAT made you want that?
-
WHAT scares you about that?
-
Essentially any question that uncovers “What makes you feel that way?” or “What makes you think that way?”
WHAT tends to work better than WHY because WHAT feels like you’re curious and WHY can sometimes feel like an attack. “WHY do you like that?" “Because I do. What's your problem?!"
So back to Felipe and Manuela. Now that they know how to “listen to understand”, how does their conversation go?
Felipe: I mainly want to design bridges. But I guess I’d be happy designing anything.
Manuela: What do you like about designing bridges specifically?
Felipe: Well I haven't actually designed one yet, but for some reason I keep picturing myself standing on top of a huge bridge that I designed. I don’t know. It just makes me feel alive.
Manuela: Yeah that sounds pretty cool. What do you mean by ‘alive’ though?
Felipe: Hmm, well the bridge started as an idea in my head, and now I’m standing on it. It’s like having ultimate control over everything.
Manuela: Oh I know that feeling! That’s how I feel when I think of saving someone’s life at the last minute in the emergency room. Boom… Doctor Incontrol.
Felipe: Haha. Is that what made you decide to become a Doctor? Because you like feeling incontrol?
Manuela: Yeah, I guess it is.
Felipe: Wow. That’s the same reason I decided to be an architect. So does that mean you hate it when other people boss you around too?
Manuela: OMG that’s the worst!! I can’t stand it when other people tell me what to do.
Fun! Turns out they’re both control freaks. THAT’s their common interest. Now they can geek out on that instead of churning through countless emotionless topics that they don’t connect on.
Skill #3 - How to never run out of things to say
Imagine you have a conversational D-pad. It gives you something to say whenever you run out of things to say. These are the controls.
Say you’re in a conversation about cars, and you don’t know anything about cars. You run out of things to say. What are your options? Here's your conversational D-pad for cars
Some people prefer to zoom out. They think and talk about general things: ideas and concepts.
Some people prefer to zoom in. They think and talk about specific things: details and examples.
You’ve probably had conversations with people where you just don’t click with them. It could be because you prefer to zoom in and they prefer to zoom out, or vice versa.
Example
Elena: How was your day?
Pablo: Good. Productive. I got a lot done. How was yours?
Elena: Well! When I woke up I made toast, with butter and vegemite. I left it in the toaster a little too long and it got a bit burnt, but I scraped it off with a knife and it was fine. Then I cycled to work. I went down Oxford Street this time instead of my usual route down Henry Cotton Drive because I wanted a change.
My boss didn’t have anything for me to do today so I made an appointment to see the Doctor next Wednesday at 5pm and spent the rest of the day on Facebook chatting to Sofia about her baby, Ivan, who has a cold and Esteban about his new Porsche. Then I came home down Oxford Street again because it was so lovely in the morning. It wasn’t as nice in the evening. And now I’m talking to you.
Pablo: So was your day good or not?
Elena: I want to know what you did all day.
Pablo likes ideas and concepts (zoomed out). Elena likes details and examples (zoomed in).
Pablo is bored senseless by Elena’s details and Elena feels like Pablo doesn’t want to share things with her.
Pablo is interested in the big picture. He wants to understand the point of what Elena is telling him. What does it mean? Did she have a good day or a bad day?
Elena is interested in specifics. She wants to know what made Pablo’s day good or bad. What does he mean by ‘productive’? What did he get done?
If you find yourself in a conversation that just isn’t working you might be speaking to someone who has a different zoom preference. All you have to do to connect with them is zoom in or out to match their preference.
If they prefer to zoom in, give them details and examples. If they prefer to zoom out, give them the meaning behind your details and examples.
EMSKR: Where to buy a set of nuts and bolts, especially bolts, to survive the apocalypse with
I'm trying to start a life of not being the one who never has any nuts and bolts when trying to do home d-i-y or replacing some old furniture parts or whatever. where could i buy a large set of nuts and bolts, especially tiny ones, please?
Sunday, 11 December 2016
EMSK; How a Man Becomes Attractive to Woman. (The 8 Psychological Ways)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3y66FOF88G0
EMSKR: Dealing with a persistent vandalizing teenager
This situation arose after my involvement in a noise dispute against another homeowner in my same neighborhood. I took every civilized means to contact this homeowner personally but was ignored, law enforcement was then involved followed by code enforcement. After I signed a noise complaint against this homeowner my personal information was revealed and that's when everything started. This began in early 2015.
I'm writing this because I just chased a group of teenagers on foot who doorbell ditched my home but stuck around long enough so I'd know who did it. I went out saw a kid run and hide behind my car and as I approached he took off up a hill, being barefoot I was just assessing the situation and then I heard another teen take off to my left, I figured what the hell and sprinted after him, they had a nice head start and I just went far enough to see where they headed where they met up with two other teens in the next neighborhood.
This was the most recent incident but stuff has been happening for 2 years now. First it was some burnouts in front of my home, then a popped tire which was some kind of pin hole pop as a tire guy had trouble finding it but it leaked flat over the period of a week, multiple small scratches on my car appeared over time, litter including fast food, condomns, tampons, wet wipes, and other stuff it all appeared in front of home, frequent loitering always within view of my window, a thrown football at car setting off alarm with the kid and his friends hiding in neighbors garage only to start playing again where I witnessed the teenager in question.
It's quite the hassle and frankly I'm not sure how civilized I can continue to remain. This seems to be a case of the kid that goes around hitting other kids and despite attempts at telling him to stop he doesn't, until he gets hit back and realizes the danger of it. Essentially what I'm saying is that this kid has pretty much gotten away with all of these acts and attempts to bait me into doing something though I've refrained out of principle. It's infuriating to try and focus on something in my home only to be interrupted by one of these directed acts or at the idea of one possibly unfolding.
I will admit that I've had my share of similar activities as a teen, in high school my group feuded with another over something petty and various sides cars were vandalized, public conflicts ensued when sighting one groups members, it was exhilarating and also frightening. The thing was that in that situation both sides were at war dishing back an eye for an eye and their was some sense of balance, I feel like this situation is different however, this kid doesn't really have the fear aspect since I haven't "struck," back. He, so far, has gone to some lengths to not get caught or leave any incriminating evidence which makes catching him legally ineffective.
Obviously I document and report any incidents to local law enforcement and continue to plan on doing so but unfortunately that has done little to stop certain trends from continuing. If this kid is comfortable enough to walk up to my house after all those past events and ring my doorbell then stick around long enough so I know it's him then take off running then what can I expect in the future?
I really feel like the only options to "actually," influence this kid to stop is to hit him back even harder. I would never advocate physical harm or property vandalism nor would I expect that as an answer but let's consider the resolutions to be hypothetical. Whether it's physical domination or mental domination this individual needs to lose in order to be discouraged from feeling free to continue this behavior. I really wish there was a more mature path to take but every one I can think of involves being on defense the entire time and hoping he makes a mistake that I'm ready to catch at any moment.
WWYD?
TLDR: Teen kid blatantly vandalizing and harassing me and my property for two years after signing a noise complaint against them. Been dealing with everything through mature and legal means but still experiencing illegal and petty acts that are so far unable to be linked to them. Seeking alternative solutions.
Saturday, 10 December 2016
EMSKR How to teach
Whenever I try to teach a classmate more about a subject or try to get my friend into a hobby, I always end up either talking to them like they should understand everything I'm saying or they need everything oversimplified.
EMSK: 5 Steps to Stop Watching Porn (More Energy, Time, and Self-Control)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQNkC3FkNlE
EMSKR Exfoliating
My girlfriend has been harping me for months about how I should do more than just clean my face with body wash and a loofah, and now that I'm growing out my beard an not shaving off this skin cells, I probably should start.
So... What do I need to know and do? I'm deployed, so special soaps or anything crazy like that are probably out of the question until I could get something sent from Amazon, but is there any tips as opposed to products I could try?
TL:DR - I scrub my face with a loofah and old spice body wash, apparently I'm wrong. Help me be right.
Strength training for BJJ
Hi there,
I am a former bodybuilder, who moved to wrestling/BJJ. I stuck with a bodybuilding program for 6 months, not missing a workout. I made good beginner gains. I have a good understanding of nutrition and the basics.
What program is suited just for strength? I don't give a flying fuck how I look. My aim is to be as strong as I can, whilst weighting around 65-70kg, post cut. I am willing to commit to a bulk for a while.
Friday, 9 December 2016
[X-post from /r/videos] He's always wanted to go to the Rose Bowl so they saved up and got him tickets
https://youtu.be/rNj9vhFOLbk
When should a novice start using a belt for deadlifts?
I'm still pretty novice but deadlifts are getting pretty hard. I'm following a linear program and did 110kg for 2x6 this week. I've got to do 112.5kg for 2x6 next week and seeing how hard it was to get 110x2x6 last week I think I might fail. However i've also heard that you should be deadlifting at least double bodyweight before using a belt so that you develop core strength. When should I start using a belt?
EMSK: cats aren't allowed to just wander around freely.
Trap them if you can, and then call the animal shelter.
This is especially useful if they wake you up at night.
Thursday, 8 December 2016
EMSK: How to speak using Nonviolent Communication; the single most important thing I have learned
https://youtu.be/DgaeHeIL39Y
EMSK: How to Memorize Anything Fast and Make it Stick - The Method of Loci
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsFC83wewNk
Max Effort Muscle Supplements
Just looking to find someone that has tried max effort and their reviews on it. I've heard about Musclepharms lawsuits against their stuff but still like Cory. Just curious if his new stuff is any good.
Wednesday, 7 December 2016
EMSK: 5 Things to Check Before You Sign a Shareholder's Agreement
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcjmVj5fM5k
Question about WSB
I have been PL for a few years and wanted to try West Side. Am I doing this right as far as variants? m Chains Squat ME, W Wide grip Max, F Chain DE squat, S DE Bench press wide grip (same for 3 weeks or so then) m Band squats ME, W Floor press Max, F Band squat DE, S DE Bench floor press
Or should I being doing just regular squatting and benching and then doing some sets with chains like once in a while randomly or floor presses?
EMSK Elon Musk - Work ethics, Principles, Attitude, Failure - Pearls of Advice from the real Alpha Male. [Video]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU7W7qe2R0A
EMSK: 5 Things to Check Before You Sign a Shareholder's Agreement
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcjmVj5fM5k
EMSK How to Stop Overthinking - For Any Man into Personal Development
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icw5f3C8VyM&t=6s
Tuesday, 6 December 2016
Is it okay to run everyday while weight lifting every two?
Experts will say muscles will need time to heal. However, does running delay it?
EMSK: How To Be a Gentleman – 50 Things Every Young Gentleman Should Know by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis – Book Review
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsGdT8PNbaA
Is slight spinal hyperextension during the squat bad?
I recorded myself squatting today and noticed my back is slightly hyperextended. I wasn't doing it on purpose however I do try to flex my spinal erectors in order to stop my back from rounding. I feel no discomfort from it but have read that this can lead to injury. Is that true or is slight hyperextension completely fine? Thanks ;)
Improving squats and deadlift
I'm actually 151lb 5.8f and my squat MR is stuck since the last month (230lb). My deadlift is stuck as well on 287lb. Any tip?
EMSKR: Driving cars in winter time.
Monday, 5 December 2016
EMSK: Why you should entertain dark thoughts from time to time | Negative visualization and Stocism [Video]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=481VS-TsdFk
EMSKR: How to act when disrespected if you had already set your boundaries?
I've been thinking about this situation for a while now and I'm not sure how I should act.
Suppose someone you barely know disrespects you. You clearly state after that "look man, what you did is completely over the line, don't do that ever again" and, as to challenge you, the dude does it again. How would an adult man act in this situation?
I'm thinking that I should either just ignore that person or just punch him in the face, but I'm not so sure about either of them.
EMSK: How To Be More Interesting - 5 tips with REAL LIFE EXAMPLES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6reIGiMPJU0
EMSKR: Where to aim in a urinal, to avoid splashback
At 26, I'm still frustrated at walking out of public restrooms with splashes either on my pants or legs, and shoes. Have I just been doing it wrong all these years, or are urinals just hellish devices, made to make every guy look like a fool upon exiting a public restroom?
Sunday, 4 December 2016
EMSK: How to Build Muscle in 3 Steps (Look Better, Feel More Confident)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTOZxGkdGH0
Saturday, 3 December 2016
Wanted opinion on first time editing a video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmzcQK6_oos&feature=youtu.be
Deadlift Form Fix
Hello everyone, my name is Jason and I am Doctor of Physical Therapy Student & Certified Strength & Conditioning Specialist. I started my company, Prime-Physio Fitness, as a way to integrate physical therapy & strength training principles into the fitness community in an effort to make workouts safer and more effective for all.
Here is a link to a post on my Instagram on a common deadlift error I see! I will be generating content on Instagram and facebook, and will be looking to share here as well and generate some discussion!
Check out the links and give me a follow!
Jason
Friday, 2 December 2016
Thursday, 1 December 2016
EMSK: You've gotta touch yourself every once in a while
Just got diagnosed with testicular cancer today. The only reason it hasn't spread is because I found the lump very early.
Guys please give yourself a "check up feel" every month, so in the off chance you do have something wrong down there, you'll be able to catch it early before it gets much worse. In my case it was just a hard spot the size of a pea. My oncologist was surprised I noticed it.
Apparently the numbers are something near 1 in 500 guys between the ages of 15 and 35 will get testicular cancer of some sort. There's no rhyme or reason to it either so it can't be prevented.
Girls if you're reading this, check your dudes junk regularly.
If you think somethings wrong GO TO THE DOCTOR! Thanks guys and good luck
EMSK: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhLQQ0cAbSo&index=6&list=PLMaXsmhvb0r15k9cV7ipVCeH6AsXu2yDI
EMSK: 10 Ways to Make Passive Income Online that you may not know
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkU_lUVEoes
EMSK How to stop running shoes from slipping and causing blisters
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Htzp191-uic
Wednesday, 30 November 2016
EMSK: how to free up your mind from all worries and stress!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awxMW3x1WtI&t=120s
EMSK Chris Voss FBI Negotiation Strategy Expert - How To Improve Your Negotiating Skills
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UD81f_oQo5w
Tuesday, 29 November 2016
EMSKR: Elements that make up a great best man speech.
Not gonna lie I was always drunk by the time the best man gave his toast. Now it's my turn.
EMSK: How to Stop Unknowingly Hypnotizing Yourself to Suck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHsaDYleE10
EMSK How to view FAILURE. An interesting 1minute segment from a James Altucher speech animated
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUFI0NWe9ok
Not sure if appropriate for this sub but it broke my heart, one of the victims of the Brazilian plane crash, Thiaguinho, being told he will become a dad by his team mates just days ago. Sorry for Twitter link.
https://twitter.com/tancredipalmeri/status/803595749208395776?s=09
EMSK: How to Be Proactive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giQAVg-2iFA&index=2&list=PLMaXsmhvb0r15k9cV7ipVCeH6AsXu2yDI
EMSKR: How to live on your own.
Before I start, I have already read EMSKR: How to live on your own after college and EMSKR: How to apartment hunt, but those thread are both two years old and don't seem to cover everything (specifically about budgeting). Also, if there is a better sub to submit this to, please let me know.
Tl;dr. I am (most likely) going to be kicked out in a few weeks with no where to go. What are things I need to budget for and how much should I budget for them. Also, how do I go apartment hunting?
Rant/ramble ahead.
I'm currently 19 years old (20 before the end of the year). I'm currently going to a local community college after failing my first year at a state university. I'm also living at home with my single mother (a high school English teacher) and sister (a high school junior) because I'm going local this year. I'm currently working around 30 hours a week at just above minimum wage at Five Guys, but will be going up to after the semester ends. I'm currently looking for a second job as well.
I've spent the past three semesters struggling through college and I don't really believe that it's for me anymore. My mother, being a teacher, has told me I live under her roof only if I'm going to school. Naturally, I can't tell her about this as she'd be furious and probably kick me out. I'm cut off from virtually all my extended family between the divorce, general lunatics in the gene pool, and any remaining members all being in constant contact with my mother. All my high school friends have moved to different areas of the state for college, all the friends I made last year in school are still five hours away, and I've not been able to connect with any of my classmates at the community college. I feel utterly cut off and alone, save for reddit.
Back to my main point. My finals end on December 16th and I will most likely be kicked out a week later when I can no longer keep up the charade of passing this year. I've been saving money from my job and selling stuff on ebay to help pay for expenses when I move out, but I have no idea what those expenses will be. As a student, I'm currently on my mother's health care plan and have access to a car for work/school. I'm also on her cell phone bill. She also does all the shopping. I know how to take care of myself (cleaning/cooking/laundry/etc.) but have no idea how or what to budget for in the real world.
What should I do for apartment shopping as well? Should I look for roommates? How would I do that? I've downloaded a couple of apartment apps, but have no idea what I should be looking for.
Help. I have no idea what to do.
Weightlifting shoes Australia
Anyone know where I can get adipowers or nike romaleos in australia? Thanks in advance
Monday, 28 November 2016
What is the BEST Training Program FOR AESTHETICS?
I dont care so much about my strength being through the roof. I just want to look good, I am currently on KETO & I am at about 20% body fat. I have been doing 5x5, but i'm being told its just for strength not for looks.
EMSK: How to protect their eyes from their computer screen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4YUu1UEEk8
Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard BCAA Train+Recover Question
I am confused as to when I should be taking this particular product. The ON website has it listed under both pre- and post-workout products. The internet says all sorts of things.
I purchased ON GS Pre-Workout, ON GS 100% Whey and ON GS BCAA Train+Recover to train with.
Any help is appreciated. Thanks!
The product in question: http://ift.tt/2gAOLeh
Squat 1,000,000lbs in December
Squatting 1,000,000lbs in a month has been on my list for a while. I've got 2 weeks off over Christmas so now is as good an opportunity as I'll ever get
Squats can take any form. I plan on using back, front and goblet while waving intensity on a 3 day cycle
Need to average around 33,000lbs each day to reach the target
Anyone tried something similar? Any advice is welcome
Sunday, 27 November 2016
EMSK: 7 Steps to Grow a YouTube Channel (More Creativity, Way to Express Ideas, Build Businesses)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPdIvhUs0SQ
EMSKR: What to do after a kiss?
Basically this, for some of us more awkward types, when we finally are able to kiss a girl, what do you do next? It seems weird to continue a conversation afterwards, what do you do?
Saturday, 26 November 2016
No Bull Shoes
Does anyone have experience with the No Bull shoes? Advantages over metcons or nanos if any?
Strength training - advice needed for adding mass
Hi guys,
I've been going to the gym from the age of about 17/18 and I'm now 22 and looking to seriously try and add mass. I have a pretty decent idea when it comes to the appropriate exercises for specific gains, whether it be power/strength/endurance etc and the appropriate set/rep range...but just wanted someone else's opinion. I have 12 weeks until the rugby season starts and we begin our pre season running, so now is the best time for me to add mass. At this moment in time I'm splitting my sessions, doing shoulders & legs in one session and then back and chest in the other session. Both sessions hit the big lifts such as bench press, deadlift, squat, military press all 5 sets of 5...
After doing these lifts (without supersetting) what other exercises/supersets are appropriate to integrate into my gym session?
Thanks for the help guys...
EMSK: That the Reddit admins (CEO especially) can edit user comments without any notification.
The issue.
/u/spez, the CEO of reddit, has admitted to modifying users' comments in r/the_donald that were insulting him just because he was "stressed".
While many of you may or may not agree with that sub, /u/spez broke the trust of every user on the site and can be liable for slander and impersonation.
Reddit has AMAs regularly with celebrities, business men, tech gurus and maybe most importantly politicians. What if an admin, without notification, edits a president's comment?
Reddit no longer has any credibility because of this breach in trust.
AMAs can no longer be truly viewed as the words of the celebrity. Anyone doing business with reddit will have to watch for impersonators.
Friday, 25 November 2016
Thursday, 24 November 2016
Kettlebells
What is the general opinion on kettlebells around here. Ive heard varying thoughts. Used to do them at a gym alot years ago (someone there used to run classes for them and stuff). How much do you think they benefit a strength style program. I personally think kettlebell swings should be included in everyone routine at some stage.
EMSK There is nothing like enjoying a few hours of gaming after work - unless you have a cat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA96Ti3JPUk
Deadlift/lats the day after shoulder workout day
Could I get some serious professional advice. Should I do deadlifts/lats training the day AFTER shoulders/rear/front delts day?thanks
My split 1.chest/ 2.quads/ 3.cardio/ 4.shoulders/ 5.deadlifts+lats(back)/ 6.cardio / repeat
Wednesday, 23 November 2016
Be Prepared!
Not sure what to pack for the baseball game? Worried about a zombie outbreak while you pop out to the store? I've got you covered with my Over Prepared Packing List:
http://ift.tt/2ghXh57
EMSK: how to identify shitty candidates and avoid hiring them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgF2Nu5i80I
EMSK: How to delete your Facebook
Don't get caught up in a constant loop of clicking back to Facebook. Just go and delete it. And if deleting it is hard, do it anyways.
EMSK A man who never gave up losing weight and doing sports He shares his workout and life story
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P755mLCsMaI
Bench Everyday Program/Plan
I am a strength coach/ personal trainer and power-lifting coach/ competitor. I was wondering how the r/strength_training community would react to me proposing the idea of a bench everyday program (similar to a squat everyday program?)
I have tried this before with GREAT results and I am trying to see what people think are the potential problems or reasons that they personally would/ would not try it.
Tuesday, 22 November 2016
13 Year Old
I was wondering if anyone could help me in strength training. I am 5'7 1/2 and I weigh about 120. I consider myself athletic but I would also like to get stronger. I workout every night with 20 pounds weights and just do bicep curls and tricep workouts. I also do sit-ups. I broke my ankle about 2 months ago and am still recovering so I won't be able to do any running of that sort for another 2-3 weeks. I would just like tips for becoming stronger overall.
Monday, 21 November 2016
Bruised shins
Is it normal after deadlifting? See it loads of dudes at the gym, just wondering... you know for a friend.
Sunday, 20 November 2016
EMSKR: How to start/ keep conversation moving?
I find it difficult at times starting or keeping a conversation moving. Any tips from anyone? From what I'm aware so far is you don't force it because then it becomes uncomfortable. You ask more questions because people enjoy talking about themselves.
All of this because I'd like to impress a girl I met a few weeks back.
BONUS POINTS - to whomever can give tips on regarding body language :P (I'm terrible at socialising :P)
EMSK: 5 Tips to Read BODY LANGUAGE (Face, Arms, Torso, Legs, and Feet)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mivxoe7-kII
Saturday, 19 November 2016
EMSK: Why Exercise is Important for Health, Cognition, Mood and Longevity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se0-wXtRcAg
Help Me Build A Program Using A Barbell
Hello guys!
Over the past month, I've been doing a high volume, bodybuilding regimen. I made huge results in just 1 month. But, it's killing me.
I feel tired and sore all the time. And, I'm not overtraining because I record my lifts and weight moved for that workout, and they keep going up.
I started thinking yesterday. I had to make a decision. Either I workout to look pretty or I aim for going pro in my sport.
I decided I'd choose the latter. So, that's why I want to change my workout routine to something simpler, and, lower volume.
The exercises i'm aiming to do: Incline Bench, Bent Over Row, Overhead Press, Squat, Deadlift, Chin ups, and Dips.
That's what's going to be my repertoire. Reason why I'm choosing all Barbell exercises is because it's easier to progress on them than on dumbbells.
Now, I don't want to do a super heavy program like say, 5x5, or anything lower than that. I want a program where I will be getting stronger but also bigger, about 50-50. That way I'm neither too sore nor mechanically exhausted.
That's why I'm aiming to do around 6-10 reps on the barbell lifts. I can go higher on the Dips and Chins. What I wanted to ask was, If I were to workout my the same bodypart twice a week, like this:
Day 1: Incline Bench, Bent Over Row, Chins, Dips
Day 2: Squat, Deadlift, OverHead Press
Day 3: Rest
Day 4: Incline Bench, Bent Over Row, Chins, Dips
Day 5: Squat, Deadlift, Overhead Press
Day 6: Rest
Day 7: Rest
How many sets should I be aiming for each bodypart per workout? If I were to do 6-10 reps per set? I was thinking along the lines of 8-12 sets per workout.
What do you guys think? Can I get some help building my program? Carlos
Program for a novice
Hey!
What program would you recommend for a beginner/novice? SS and SL are popular, but I've understood they're "peaking programs", not sustainable and they lack volume to get hypertophy. Are they still the best bets for novices?
Progression of Fitness and Olympic Lifting Over Last 3 1/2 Years
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvE4SyZ1ICg
Friday, 18 November 2016
EMSK [Request]: How to compliment women.
I recently lost a lot of weight so the flirting game has changed for me a lot. I'm at college and there is beautiful women everywhere and I can talk to them but I struggle to complement them. I try not to come across as creepy and then don't say anything so I look like a pussy instead. Any easy tips to help?
EMSK: 7 Lessons in Manliness From the Greatest Generation | The Art of Manliness
http://ift.tt/188vMeT
I want to increase explosiveness, should I focus on that during a bulk?
Wondering if explosiveness benefits like strength gains do from bulking. In my own experience running barely mattered bulk or cut.
Anyway, looking to get off the snap faster and make cuts harder, wondering what a diet should look like for that. Or rather, does it matter at all?
Thursday, 17 November 2016
EMSK: How to Sneeze
Okay, so hopefully this one is a no brainer to most of you. However, with the amount of times I witness my coworkers, my family, and strangers on the street fail horribly at following any sort of sneezing etiquette, I figured I would call to attention to the matter. Like a firm handshake, following sneezing etiquette is not just a sanitation issue, but something that others will judge you for, if you're an open mouth sneezing lunatic.
What Not to Do:
- Open Mouth Sneezing.
When you sneeze, a mist of snot and mostly saliva come flying out of your face. That mist is intense. Imagine you sprayed a bottle of Frebreeze. Your nose doesn't feel like it travels a distance, but if you can smell a spray of that couch perfume from 6 feet away, why is it impossible to believe your sneeze won't end up in someone's face? Don't do this.
- Sneeze in Your Hand.
A step up from spitting in someone's face is to spit in your hand. Like handshake etiquette, this is the equivalent to a wet fish handshake. Yes, you tried, but you might be better off not trying at all. Your hands touch everything. What else are you touching things with? Now, while open mouthed sneezing is a nuclear bomb, clearing an entire area, sneezing in your hand is a spy; going in for the most efficient way to get everyone else sick. Door handles? Writing utensils? Other people's hands? You're a calculated monster.
What to Do:
- Sneeze in your Sleeve.
You've seen other people do this- like a vampire, pulling the crease of your elbow to your face, and diffusing the sneeze in a controlled fabric environment. This is good. You aren't sneezing on anyone. Chances are you aren't going to write your signature by holding the pen with your elbow. This won't stop your rampant mucus issues, but it is the best thing you can do to cure the world of your issues. You could also sneeze into your shirt, but that looks weird.
That's it. This is not a complicated thing to be a man about. But, if you put no effort into repressing your sneezes, know that I hate you. I despise you. You do not get my respect.
You're a mess.
Adding assistance to SS/SL 5x5?
I've been strength training for over 3 months. I started with POwerliftingtowin's novice program but now do my own thing with heavy and light days. I've started plateauing and want to try a more tested program like SS but i'm concerned that the overall volume especially for upper body is very low.
Bodyweight 73kg Current 1RM Squat 105kg Bench 85kg Deadlift 135kg Ohp idk
Johnnie Candito's linear program seems to have more volume. Would that be a better option? Thanks :)
PS my goal is to increase my powerlifting competition lifts
Wednesday, 16 November 2016
Any Experiences with DeLorme Method?
I have come across the "DeLorme method" on a couple of different occasions recently. The first was in Dan John and Pavel's book "Easy Strength" in which Pavel laid out one variation of the protocol:
Day 1 (5 reps @ 50% of 10RM, 5 @ 75% of 10RM, 5 @ 100% of 10RM) x as many rounds as possible Rest 3 minutes between rounds If you complete 5 rounds, add weight for next cycle. Day 2 (5 reps @ 50% of 10RM) x as many sets as completed on Day 1 Day 3 (5 reps @ 50% of 10RM, 5 @ 75% of 10RM) x as many sets as completed on Day 1 Then back to Day 1 and keep progressively increasing load, 5 lbs at a time for upper body movements (bench, press) and 10 lbs for lower body (squat, deadlifts). On the heavy test days, you'd be aiming for 75 reps for a movement.
Then I have also seen Dan John in other forums post his "DeLorme protocol" which is a bit simpler: 10 reps @ 50% of 10RM 5 reps @ 75% of 10 RM 10 reps @ 100% of 10 RM If you are able to successfully complete the 10 reps at 100% for 2 sessions in a row, add weight next time.
The first version can take up a significant amount of time during a training session, whereas the 2nd variation is much quicker to get through. Being a busy guy, I'm learning towards playing with the 2nd variation for a bit to see how it goes. I've hit significant plateaus in my upper body pressing and would like to mix it up for a bit with something new besides 5,3,1 or SL 5x5.
However I'm really curious if others have played with this programming and what your experiences were! So please share if you have any input or constructive advice.
EMSK: How To Make People To Respect Him If They Stop Respecting Him
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd9Iyy_yw-E
Tuesday, 15 November 2016
EMSK Why Girls Aren't Attracted To Nice Guys
I'm a nice guy who doesn't get friend-zoned. Though I have friend-zoned quite a few women.
"Nice" is not your problem. Nice is an attractive quality that does help you get close with women, but it's not enough on its own. Your problem is that you think the formula looks like this:
IF: I am nice
THEN: Woman will want to sleep with me
But being nice is only a small part of the formula.
Every woman has her own unique scorecard for attraction. Her scorecard is a list of things that make her attracted to someone.
She's probably not consciously aware of her scorecard, but it does exist on a subconscious level.
Let's say Mary's scorecard looks like this. These are the things that make Mary attracted to someone:
- He makes me laugh (30 attraction points)
- He can cook (30 points)
- He is confident (20 points)
- He is comfortable discussing his emotions (20 points)
- He is close with his family (20 points)
- He is a good listener (10 points)
- He is nice (10 points)
- He has big muscles (5 points)
- He has a good career (5 points)
As a guy, you just need to score 100 points or more... then you're golden.
If you're a nice guy with big muscles and nothing else going for you, she's 15% attracted to you. Friend zone.
If you're a nice guy who's confident and a good listener she's 40% attracted to you. Friend zone.
If you're a nice guy who's confident, can cook, make her laugh and is close with his family, she's 110% attracted to you. It's on.
The problem is that you don't know what each woman's scorecard looks like.
Jennifer might have a completely different scorecard:
- He takes care of his body (40 attraction points)
- He has a friendly smile (40 points)
- He's a good listener (30 points)
- He has a car (20 points)
- He runs his own business (20 points)
- He's nice (20 points)
- He adventurous (10 points)
- He's good with kids (10 points)
- He buys me gifts (5 points)
So how do you maximise your chances?
You become the best version of yourself that you can be.
And how do you do that?
You've already got "nice guy" down. Good work. Now keep building on that with other good qualities.
Here's a solid starting point:
- Stop filtering yourself. Speak your mind.
- Start conversations with strangers.
- Pause to choose the right words when you speak.
- Get close with people.
- Drop your guard.
- Listen.
- Turn off your analytical mind (left-brain) once in a while use your creative mind (right-brain). Especially in social situations.
- Choose honesty & integrity.
- Make mistakes.
- Take the lead. Go first.
- Be curious. Be playful.
- Feel the fear and do it anyway.
- Get comfortable with uncertainty.
- Break rules that don't serve your best self.
- Accept other people without judgement.
And before you say that "pause to choose the right words" and "stop filtering yourself" are in direct opposition...
Stop filtering yourself means to speak, rather than not speak. Say what you're truly thinking and feeling. Don't overanalyse whether the other person will find your thoughts interesting enough, or smart enough, or whatever.
But still choose the right words when you do speak, so that you articulate your thoughts clearly. The two points are complimentary to each other.
Monday, 14 November 2016
Adding to 5x5
Hi there,
I'm currently doing a 5x5 routine, and it's going pretty well. I know that strong lifts tells me to do them only 3 days a week, but I go with a friend who goes every other day so sometimes I end up doing my routine 4 days a week. Is that going to be ok? I still get a rest every other day, but is that not enough?
Also, I'm hoping to add to my routine. I'd like to do an exercise that would help me build more muscle in my arms. They're skinny despite my massive height and frame which is sort of annoying to me. Could I add chin ups to my B day to help build bi-cep tone using the same 5x5 principle? I'm not strong enough to do them with assistance from a machine, but one of my goals in gaining strength was to be able to do at least one chin-up.
Thanks! Some of you folks have been very helpful.
Sunday, 13 November 2016
This lad surprised his wife and her reaction was incredible
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16u5WyOZjOo
Saturday, 12 November 2016
EMSK: 3 Steps to Make Friends - Become More Social and Confident
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WNMLAmpdeE
EMSK A Tip from Illumiseen How to Prevent Running Shoe Blisters With a “Heel Lock” or “Lace Lock”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c_PTYvlWvE
[EMSKR] What to do when you and your buddy want the same woman?
We're not teenagers anymore, so it's not about the first one who tries to kiss her.
We both value getting to know a woman before taking the big step.
What would be your gentleman way of handling such a situation?
Friday, 11 November 2016
5×3 Training Method For Increasing Strength
http://onlinemusclebuilding.com/training/5x3-training-method-for-increasing-strength/
Thursday, 10 November 2016
Ep 106: Election Hangover | The Poppin' Bottles Dad-Cast
http://poppinbottlesdadcast.com/blog/2016/11/10/ep-106-election-hangover/
If you are planning on buying protein soon, def read this - Protein Powder Per Dollar List
http://efficiencyiseverything.com/protein-powder-per-dollar-list-guide/
EMSK: How to properly shoot a rubber band (Yes, you've been doing it wrong.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa3vvClBtWg
How I talk to my kids about depression
http://www.gumnasia.com/2016/11/10/how-i-talk-to-my-kids-about-depression/
Wednesday, 9 November 2016
EMSK: At least half of these parenting hacks for keeping your car clean
http://visual.ly/18-parenting-hacks-keeping-your-car-clean-road-trip
EMSK: 5 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Confidence
http://www.inc.com/peter-economy/5-powerful-ways-to-boost-your-confidence.html
EMSK: what to look for when replacing a roof
1) Is the company licensed, insured, and GAF certified?
2) Can you meet and talk to the company's owner, and will he be on site for your roofing job?
3) Do they offer a no-leak satisfaction guarantee?
4) Do they provide free inspections?
If the roofing contractor you call cannot answer "Yes" to every one of these questions, be skeptical. It would suck to have to get a roof replaced twice, because a shady contractor took your money and ran. Or done a half-ass job and is holding out for more. Just do your research and be prepare to spend a little more to get the job done right. (Source.)
Tuesday, 8 November 2016
U.S. Airman, Home After 14 Months Deployed, Surprises His Grandpa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9t79ucnDQVI
EMSK Holocaust Documentary History Story of Holocaust Survivors
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bal0w4C_DDQ
Pronated support grip (FRONT SQUATS)
Can I front squat using the same grip that I use for my overhead presses, bench press, barbell row, etc.
What are the advantages/disadvantages of using such a grip in comparison to the advocated clean grip and the "bodybuilder" grip?
Monday, 7 November 2016
EMSK: How To Overcome Social Anxiety
I’ve been seeing a sex therapist for the last few months because I want to last longer in bed. Yep, so that’s that. It’s been one of the most transformative experiences of my life and has changed the way I view anxiety and negative emotions in general. Let me tell you how.
I expected to painfully dig out nasty issues that I’d unknowingly buried but it wasn’t like that. Doc did most of the talking during our six 1-hour sessions. He dropped his wisdom on me and I listened. We barely even talked about sex.
Doc taught me about how the brain works, how the mind & body are connected and how emotions work. He helped me make some mental changes and I’m happier now as a result.
We covered a whole range of ideas but there’s one exercise that had the biggest positive impact on my anxiety.
Before Sex Therapy
Before I met Doc I was pretty much running on anxiety like a fuel. It was so omnipresent that I often didn’t realise it was there.
In some social situations it would slap me in the face like this giant wave of negativity. I would drown in it. I got stuck in a negative feedback loop fed by anxious thoughts and I couldn’t get out of the loop until I got out of the social situation.
The anxiety took over my whole body in those situations. My muscles tensed up. The world actually seemed darker because my focus shifted from what I saw with my eyes to what I thought in my head.
We’ve all been there, right? It sucks. It stops us from having fun and living in the moment. What’s worse is we make life decisions based on how comfortable we think we’ll feel in given situations. Who knows how many great opportunities we’ve missed because we’ve surrendered to our social anxiety.
After Sex Therapy
After doing Doc’s exercise for a couple of weeks I started to notice some changes. The anxiety was still there but it didn’t overwhelm me like a giant snowball anymore. I found that I could actually zoom in on the tiny, individual negative thoughts that formed the snowball.
I could pick up each little negative thought, examine it, decide if it was valid and throw it away if it wasn’t. Most weren’t. Once I could see each thought clearly it was easy to dismantle the snowball.
I found that as I edited the negative thoughts away I became more aware of my surroundings. The world got brighter (yes, visually) and more fun because I got out of my head and focused on what my eyes saw, my ears heard and my body felt.
Anxiety is probably still my most dominant emotion today - the slight stress helps me get shit done. But I now have more control over how I react to it. I’ve learned how to feel anxious and feel okay about it at the same time, and that makes a huge difference.
Sometimes when I notice him showing up (Mr. Anxiety that is) he feels like a friend I’ve known for a long time. He’s much nicer when I treat him as a friend, instead of beating him away all the time. It turns out he actually has a lot to offer. I’d just never given him the chance.
Who Are You, Mr. Anxiety?
We all have an autonomic nervous system (ANS) that regulates our bodily functions without our conscious input. It has 2 main divisions: the SNS and the PSNS.
Your sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is responsible for freaking out to keep you out of danger while your parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) restores calm. They run side-by-side all day and balance each other out… except when they don’t.
This YouTube video explains what they do. I've clipped it to the important 89 seconds. It’ll make things a little clearer.
And this page gets science-y about it. You probably don’t need to read it unless you really want to.
So... potential threats (external events or negative thoughts) trigger your SNS.
Like when you congratulate Charlie for getting the highest score on the exam but your tone sounds a little bitter because he beat you, but you’re not sure if he noticed or not. Everyone in the group looks at you. Are they all giving you the evil eye or are you imagining it? Crap! Your heart rate increases and your muscles tense up thanks to your activated SNS.
You notice a shortness of breath, sweating, tingling throughout your body and a bunch of other bodily reactions. You can’t identify the threat in your external environment so you turn inward. Negative thoughts flood into your head and flare up your SNS even more until, voila, you’re in a loop of negativity. That’s Mr. Anxiety.
Why, hello there, Mr. Anxiety.
This is when your PSNS is supposed to show up and save the day. It turns off the stress reaction and restores balance once you acknowledge that you’re not actually under attack.
The problem is that when you’ve got 1000s of negative thoughts snowballing together it sure as hell feels like you’re under attack, so your PSNS doesn’t know you’re safe and doesn’t calm you down.
“Shit, I said the wrong thing." “Damn it, my voice sounded like I was being sarcastic when I wasn’t." “Crap, I bet Charlie thinks I’m a dick now." etc. etc. etc.
The exercise below helps you snap yourself out of negative thought loops by activating your PSNS at will.
The Exercise That Tamed My Anxiety
The cool thing about this is that you don’t have to trust me to know it works. I’ll show you how to feel it working right now.
Think back to a negative thought you had today.
Write down how you felt and what you told yourself in your head. Use the present tense as if you’re feeling it now and start your thoughts with “I…".
Bring back the feelings. 2-3 sentences should be enough. This will give your sympathetic nervous system (SNS) something to freak out about just a little.
Now that you’ve fired up your SNS, what changed in your body? What changed in your mind? Write down everything you notice. Use present tense and start your thoughts with “My…”. Don’t use “I…”. See my example below.
This will activate your parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) and you’ll notice your anxiety response calming down. Be curious. See what else you can notice. You might only catch 2 or 3 things the first time but you’ll get better at it the more you do it.
Example:
Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) Negative thought: I feel stressed about writing my article. What if no one likes it? What if I’m a fraud? I’ve been procrastinating all day and now I feel useless because I’m not going to have enough time to finish it today.
Parasympathetic Nervous System (PSNS) Body reactions: My focus is in my head. My mind thinks it’s a fraud. My eyes are glazed over. There is a lump in my throat. My heart is beating faster than normal. My gut is heavy and pulsing. My left thumb is rubbing my right forefinger. My shoulders are tense. My upper body is tingling.
Did you feel the difference? By using “My…” language you begin to see your anxiety as something separate from yourself.
Your whole life you’ve probably been telling Mr. Anxiety to fuck off, which makes him feel even worse. It’s like telling your friend Sally that she can only talk to you when she feels good. You haven’t been a very good friend to Mr. Anxiety.
Mr. Anxiety’s just trying to look out for me. When I accept him and tell him that it’s okay to feel scared he chills out. This is what I mean when I say I’ve learned how to feel anxious and feel okay at the same time.
If you want to try it out I’d suggest doing this exercise once a day for a while, because doing it regularly is important. You break down your anxiety prison by noticing more negative thoughts and bodily reactions.
You can also do this exercise in the moment you catch yourself having a negative thought instead of recalling it later.
Here's another entry of mine as an example:
23 July, 2015 SNS Negative thought: Couldn’t recall a negative/judgmental/anxious thought. Great fucking day. Actually that was one for a split second just now. I feel a slight pang of stress/worry. It’s like I expect myself to be perfect and potentially missing a negative thought today feels like failure. And if I fail I feel like I’m not good enough.
PSNS Body reactions: My stomach sank. My heart tightened up. My energy and motivation seem lower. My mood seems less positive, more miserable (but only slightly). My head is asking “What if I’m not doing it right? What if I don’t achieve my goals? What if I fail?"
It really doesn’t take long to write 50-100 words per day, and it benefits many aspects of your life. I still do it daily.
Sunday, 6 November 2016
EMSK How to work a pallet jack (request)
Ninja E: I forgot to do EMSKR instead of the tag, if this gets removed I will repost it properly but the cooldown is keeping me from doing it now
I'm 19 and work for a small farm supply store. About twice a week we get between 3-10 full pallets of items (animal feed, grass seed, recently road salt). Being a small store, space is kind of tight and I need to pull out a lot of half pallets to cycle the new stuff to the bottom and the old to the top. The pallet jack I use is the older one that you have to manually pump the hydraulics up, not an electronic one. I know how to use it (pump to raise, pull handle to drop, push it to park brake it) but I always end up wasting a lot of time in tight areas and corners and generally look like a fool. Everyone I ask says it just takes practice, but they can do exactly what I am trying to do with ease in a single try. Are there any tips or pointers to increase my finesse with it?
EMSK: How To Stop Being Boring [xpost from /r/socialskills]
Let’s say you’re boring.
Maybe no one’s ever told you that but you sometimes get a sinking feeling in your stomach that hints at it. Or maybe someone has told you you’re boring and it makes you feel like a worthless piece of ####.
You want to be interesting and fun, but you’re trapped in the prison of your limited social skills.
… But what makes you so boring?
You do.
The prison bars are made of your own negative beliefs and you can’t seem to squeeze through them. If there’s one thing you’re good at it’s tricking yourself into believing that you suck. How fun. Though the fact that you did this to yourself is actually good news. You can turn it around.
HOW YOU STARTED BEING BORING
Once upon a time, when you were about 3-feet tall, you were all about fun. You were an explorer learning to navigate your world and nothing was off-limits.
You burnt your hand on the stove. It didn’t stop you from playing with fire.
Then along came social rules and the idea that you were “supposed to” behave in certain ways in certain situations. You learned that there were consequences to your actions and doubt replaced abandon. The world became more complicated than it had previously seemed.
Take Little Pete for instance. At 3-feet Little Pete liked to run around the house naked playing cowboys and indians, screaming his lungs out. He didn’t give a shit.
At 4-feet Little Pete had his first crush. We’ll call her Lacey. Their class was putting on a dance for the school and the teacher asked the boys to choose their partners.
The problem was that Lacey already had a boyfriend, or at least a boy she held hands with at lunchtime (the little turdburger!). But when Miss Hudson told the girls that they had to say yes to the first boy who asked to be their dance partner Little Pete saw his opportunity. None of the other boys moved. Little Pete pounced! Lacey said ‘no’ but Miss Hudson sealed the deal.
They danced together for the weeks that followed and, slowly but surely, he won Lacey over. She told him she liked him.
Little Pete didn’t know what to do in this foreign scenario so every day he sent his best friend to ask Lacey if she still liked him. That was the extent of his contact with Lacey. She said yes for 3 days then changed her mind.
Little Pete was devastated. He developed a fear of talking to girls which dragged on until he was 18.
After a few more run-ins with “the consequences of his actions” he stopped taking chances. He made his decisions based on what people would think of him. He agreed with opinions, he avoided stepping on toes, he suppressed his desires. He was good little boring boy.
There was a time when you too used to act first, think later. Not anymore. Now you worry about all of the negative & far-fetched possible outcomes that your mind can conjure up, and they’re usually enough to convince you to be boring.
It goes something like this in an uncertain situation:
THE BORING PROCESS (CODENAME: BORING BORIS)
TRIGGER:
“I’m not sure what to do."
-
Do I have to do something (or say something)? No: Do nothing. Play it safe. Yes: Go to step 2.
-
What should I do? Option 1 — What is the polite thing to do? Option 2 — What do I think is normal in this situation? Option 3 — What is the easiest (least scary) thing for me to do?
-
Choose an option and act.
You’ve run this process over and over again. You said 'no' to your inner explorer. Congratulations, you made yourself boring.
But the good news is it’s not you that’s boring. It’s the boring shit you choose to do that’s boring. And all it takes to stop being boring is to do something different.
WHY BEING BORING MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP
There's a problem with the Boring Boris process: we designed it to keep us safe and we feel safest when we use it, but we feel like crap afterwards.
Most people don’t dislike us when we use Boring Boris because we put none of our self in our actions, hence there’s nothing to dislike. They don’t see us at all. We make ourselves easy to ignore.
- If I do the polite thing I make no connection;
- If I do what I think is normal I’m not even copying a real person. I’m copying a hypothetical average and turning myself into a characterless bore;
- If I do the easiest (least scary) thing I’m hiding as much of my self as possible. Only sharing what I have to. It’s like taking out a hair clip when you lose at strip poker. Boring.
If you want people to actually like you you have to get naked, or at least show some skin — figuratively ;). Give them something to like. Put your self in your actions.
Yes, there’s a risk in not being boring. Some people might not like what they see when you stop hiding, but their disapproval means nothing when you find the people who do like you. Those are the connections that will fuel you. Being truly accepted for the weird monkey that you are inside is the greatest feeling in the world.
It’s a much bigger risk to be boring. You’ll never make strong connections.
Imagine yourself in this situation: it’s your first day at university. You’re sitting in the lecture hall and you don’t know anyone. Imagine the speaker asks for a volunteer to stand up and tell the class something that you did in the past week as an ice-breaker.
Did you get a physical reaction to that last sentence? Lump in your throat, maybe? Are you unsure what to say?
Most people in the class will go through a thought process that looks something like Boring Boris.
Trigger:
“I’m not sure what to do."
Do I have to do something (or say something)? No: Do nothing. Play it safe. Hide.
Or if they’re singled out they take the easy option. They share nothing risky about themselves: “I don’t know... I did lots of things this week. Umm, I bought some textbooks."
Not Felicity though.
Felicity used to play it safe but now she's the first to put her hand up. She’s a risk-taker. She doesn’t mind looking foolish because she’s learnt there’s more to gain than there is to lose.
You might like Felicity or you might hate her, but would you say she’s boring? Read on and compare.
THE FUN PROCESS (CODENAME: "FUCK IT" FELICITY)
How do we put our self in our actions to become more fun? More interesting?
We replace the ‘should’ in Boring Boris with ‘want’. We stop reacting and start creating. It looks like this:
Trigger:
“I’m not sure what to do."
-
What do I want to do? Option 1 — What experience do I want to create for myself? Option 2 — What gets me excited? Option 3 — What am I afraid of doing, that at least part of me wants to do?
-
Choose an option and act.
Felicity’s heart is racing from what she’s about to say. She’s scared but she wants to connect, so she seizes this opportunity to share with the class. Because fuck it.
“I levelled up my Mage in World of Warcraft and my guild is raiding a dungeon tonight! If anyone here plays WoW come say hi."
Now everyone in the class knows something about “Fuck it” Felicity. They have something they can talk to her about. They might even feel a bit closer to her. She certainly didn't bore them.
Meanwhile no one knows anything about Boring Boris.
STOP BEING BORING
Becoming interesting can be scary at first. But you want it. Do you know the combination of fear and desire that I’m talking about? That’s your green light. That’s your brightly-lit path away from boring.
Felicity didn’t stop being boring because she was particularly interesting. She stopped being boring because she decided to “get naked”. Now she expresses her opinion, she steps on toes, she chases what she wants… and the funny thing is people love her for it. She’s real.
The next time you’re unsure what to do in a given situation, try running “Fuck it” Felicity instead of Boring Boris. Start small, make mistakes and learn from them.
EXAMPLES
A real estate agent told me he wants to build trust with his clients. "I'm not an average agent. I care about them and getting their home. I want them to know I'm the best agent and they can trust me with one of the biggest investments of their lives.” He tries to connect with his clients but the majority of the time they give him one-word answers. The stress of trying to sell them a house gets in the way of connecting.
Boring Boris would act the way he thinks a real estate agent “should” act in this situation. He’d make polite small talk and tell the clients how spacious the bedroom is and how much light the living room gets because the windows face east, where the sun rises.
“Fuck it” Felicity might say “Listen, before I show you some houses I want you to know that I actually care about you finding a home that makes you happy. Some agents just want to offload as many houses as possible but I can’t do that... I’d feel too guilty if I forced something on you. Plus I’m a terrible liar. So I actually want to know what you like and what you don’t like. If you promise to tell me, I’ll promise to not pretend a crappy house is great for you."
Someone else I know has trouble connecting with people because he's too eager to connect. He says he has a weird personality and sense of humour so he resorts to polite conversation to play it safe… meaning he’s essentially running the Boring Boris process. His conversations look like this:
Him: Hey! How are you? Them: Good, how about yourself? Him: Pretty good. Him (in his head): (Okay what's next? — awkward silence) Him: Gloomy weather, eh? or What’d you have for lunch?
“Fuck it” Felicity would make it personal. She might read the other person’s body language and say “Hey, you look (happy/focused/full of energy/excited/chilled/etc!). What’s happening?"
Even if you read them wrong they’ll appreciate that you’ve taken the time to notice them. And now you can talk about what’s really going on, instead of the weather. Try to avoid making negative observations like sad, tired, sick, etc. because it can make them self-conscious. You could put a more positive spin on it with something like “You look like you’ve been working hard.” or “You look like you’re deep in thought."
If they seem like they don’t want to talk, because sometimes we all don’t, you can follow it with “Anyway, you look like you’re on your way somewhere.” or “You look like you’re really busy.” They’ll appreciate you giving them an easy out and will remember how socially aware you are next time.
Someone else I know rarely shares things about himself because he feels like he’s too boring or not good enough for his friends. He talks to his friends about football, wrestling and topics he thinks they want to talk about, because they’re easy. He judges himself based on how interested they are in what he says, yet he puts no self in what he says. Textbook Boring Boris.
If you’re scared to share something because you think “it’s too boring”, you’re probably wrong. Most things that are scary to share are actually rather interesting. People have similar fears. They can relate.
When you share things that scare you people recognise that you’ve trusted them enough to share something scary. They admire that you’ve taken a risk for the benefit of connecting with them. You stop being boring, you become real.
That’s why when “Fuck it” Felicity feels like she’s too boring she might say to her friends “Hey guys, how do you always come up with interesting things to say? Sometimes I think I’m a bit boring." Because she’s real. Be real.
Boring Boris’ fears come from low self-esteem or insecurity. We all have them to some degree. Applying “Fuck it” Felicity’s approach can help you change not just your outcomes, but also the root of the problem over time.
Now go get back in touch with your inner 3-foot-tall explorer. Go play with fire.
EMSK (Request): How to keep a level head when discussing sensitive topics with closed minds
My family is all very conservative and opinionated, and whenever they bring up topics like homophobia or other religions being evil, I see red. I get so angry I have trouble making my case, and the discussion turns from something civil to us throwing stones at each other. How do I keep myself from getting (sorry for the cliche) triggered?
Saturday, 5 November 2016
EMSK: Single GFCI Outlet vs Garage Door Opener (and other garage outlets)
If you're ever stuck with a garage door opener that's not working (no power) and can't figure out why, go searching for an outlet that's GFCI protected and reset it. Garage outlets may be wired so that all are protected by the single GFCI, and will all shut down when tripped.
The go figure out what caused the trip in the first place! Mine was a extension cord plugged into a nonGFCI outlet in the garage that was left outside in the rain (not by me)
Analysis Paralysis (bulk or cut)
I am going schizo here. One week I want to cut because I feel like a fat fuck. The next week I bulk because I don't want to get weak and still have many strength goals I want to achieve. I'm 6ft1, 245, 32% bodyfat, 100% natty and middle-age (40). Can anyone out there help me decide what to do? On one hand I get the Rippetoe advice of "just bulk and get strong and lose the fat later because fat gain is inevitable if you're going to get strong so just do it now." And I also hear, "don't go above 20% bodyfat, so if you're above that, cut down to 15% and bulk to 20% and repeat but don't go above 20% bodyfat." I think I need an intervention by someone with common sense and experience to tell me what's best. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.
Sudden drop in strength
Monday I did 5x4 of 145 on the bench. Then Friday I usually do 3x8 of 135 and I could barely do 4 of them of 135. I was so frustrated that I was did 2x4 of 135 then switched over to 3x8 of 125. I also was very stressed out that before my workout that day because I had 3 exams in a row. And I was sweating up a lake during that time. I had 6 hours of sleep the night before because I was too busy studying.
What is the reason for this sudden drop? Is it permanent or temporary?
EMSK: Simple Life Hacks! This awesome list hacks of life will teach you how to quickly make anything.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzZobjCVaKQ
EMSKR: How to deal with a siblings disrespectful girlfriend?
Me and my brother are currently living at home while saving up enough to move into our own apartment. We were on good terms which suddenly changed when he started dating a girl he met through a work friend. This girl already had a reputation among her own friends that she was crazy but she is quite good looking. Due to her parents being very strict and traditional they never go to her house as the atmosphere there is not very social when everyone's around.
Every weekend she comes to our house and everyone was initially very socialble towards her, she was nice when in person but the second she goes into my brothers room and they close the door they think that they can air their dirty laundry to the rooms next to his, my parents and mine. This has caused a huge quality of life decrease as they can be clearly heard through the walls arguing. When she's not over they're instead arguing on the phone which is essentially just as detrimental.
My sleep schedule has become unreliable as I am often woken up to either: my brother arguing with his girlfriend in his room, arguing on the phone, or him auto playing youtube videos through his surround sound system as he falls asleep. He refuses to use headphones. Awkwardly enough this girl has a habit of audibly moaning during sex which sounds like a cheap porno and is very embarrassing to know that my parents can hear it in addition to myself.
Each member of my family has asked my brother to stop arguing in our home but they both always falls back into this routine. They argue about petty things often revolving around my brother inappropriately checking out another girl or her social media.
I've escalated my efforts multiple times after asking him politely alone to stop arguing here but he doesn't stop. I then intervened mid argument when she was in the room to personally let her know it wasn't okay to continue doing it and she appeared to be compliant if not embarrassed that I made such a intervention.
My parents are reluctant to take drastic action such as kicking him out due to being fatigued through an ongoing process to support him through his black tar heroin addiction which has gone on for many years and is a whole other issue that likely has some cause on his current behavior. This girl didn't know he used until far into the relationship but stuck with him when she found out. In addition to that they can hear the volume at a reduced level due to having thicker walls separating the rooms but it has affected them.
I've been working a job that requires me to be up at 7:30 and I have to endure my brothers loud conversations and arguing every week night on the phone and then every weekend. I'm sleep deprived at a transportation job and am concerned for my health in general. I have spoken with my father about having to possibly deny her access to our home which he agreed might have to happen, the thing is I'm going to have to make a huge scene to create a dramatic example to shake him out of his apathy.
Today while cleaning our bathroom I started to toss out her items in the bathroom we all share, anything empty, dirty or cluttering was gone I was careless save for some newer items. The bathroom itself gets disgusting as she wipes her makeup off on the community hand towel, leaves her towels on the floor until someone else picks them up, litters the shower with excess shampoos and cosmetic items, etc. I must have tossed a cosmetic item that was somewhat pricey as my brother questioned whether I did or not which I casually denied.
You can see how this situation has devolved into almost a feud with no real solutions. I'm at the point where I'm ready to make her uncomfortable enough to reconsider coming over and feeling obliged to continue her toxic behavior. My relationship with my brother is obviously not positive at the moment and I'm not sure what the future holds for us on the topic of moving out but I feel like that won't ever happen since we can't solve our differences here.
I'd like to retain as much of my dignity as possible through this process but feel I may have to act irrational to get any real results. How should I go about this situation?
TLDR: Brother and his girlfriend are arguing incessantly within our home, mainly in his room, and reducing the quality of life of my parents and myself. Attempts to ask him to stop the behavior achieved no results, me intervening mid argument to address the girlfriend achieved little results, seeking the most mature way to go about ending this behavior which seems to point to convincing my parents to refuse her access to the home which my father has considered but will likely require me to make a big scene to influence him to take action since I experience the most volume of their arguing.
EMSK: How to Wake Up Early in 3 Steps - Become More Productive and Successful
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dttvlaOB3-M
Friday, 4 November 2016
EMSK: these 2 rules that will lead him to a financial freedom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SJQXywFgKU
EMSK: Lights mean something's wrong with the fuse (TIL)
I was at a job and we had a problem where nothing connected to the wall was receiving power. I message a co-worker and he tells me to look at the fuse box for any switches turned the wrong way. I see none, I assume it's fine. He tells me to take a picture of the fuse box, I do, he tells me the one with the light on is the one to flip off and on again. I do and the light is no longer on. Power restored! I feel dumb for not knowing it, but at least I don't need to feel dumb about that again, right?
EMSK: How to stop Google ads tracking, location tracking and data collecting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3dl8npzHRQ
EMSK: A great morning TV segway you'd never see in America
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jG1Id-Bgsk
EMSKR: How to keep in shape?
Right now I have no problems with my body , but I feel like maintaining form is a lot easier than getting back to it. So are there any general tips to keep your body in shape?
Thursday, 3 November 2016
EMSK: A lot of YouTube links on this sub don't link to the original video. This kind of behavior should be punished.
Does the video only have a few hundred views? Probably a copy.
EMSK:How to Succeed with Brunettes 1967 US Navy Training Film
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGbhRIfg3Pc
EMSK: Elon Musk's space company aiming for first flight to the Red Planet in 2018 and the US space agency says the time is right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ1MMfrmNrI
Wednesday, 2 November 2016
EMSK: How To Be Less Anxious When Talking To Women
What’s on your mind right now, as you’re reading this? Pay attention to the thoughts that pop up.
Are you feeling an urge to check your email? Or Facebook?
Do you have articles open in other browser tabs that need your attention?
Did you forget to reply to someone’s text?
What are you going to eat for your next meal?
Are you sure you don’t want a coffee before you read the rest of this?
These are distracting impulses. You probably recognise at least a few of them. They’re the seemingly innocent beginnings of a process that steals your focus, crushes your confidence and guess what… kills your ability to connect with other people.
Your distracting impulses are a big part of why you don’t know what to say in conversations. Let me explain.
This triangle is what your mind looks like when you start a flirty conversation with an attractive woman (or man).
Since you spent the last few moments mentally preparing yourself for the conversation, the back of your mind is still hanging on to the anxious thoughts (in red) that you had while you were deciding what to say.
Your environment is throwing information at you left and right, but you’re missing it because you’re stuck in your head. The only thing you’re externally aware of is “HOT WOMAN”.
You run out of good things to say, because none of the thoughts filling up your mind triangle are ideal for conversation.
SO WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH IMPULSES?
Let’s say you follow an impulsive thought now, like checking Facebook absent-mindedly for the 20th time today.
If your mind has a fixed amount of processing power, then in order to think about Facebook it has to ignore something else. So it takes in less information from your external environment.
If you constantly follow your distracting impulsive thoughts you create a habit of looking inside your mind for new stimuli, instead of looking to the external environment. And through that habit your awareness (or your window to the external environment) becomes smaller.
Have you noticed for instance when you’re anxious the world seems visibly darker? It’s because you have almost no awareness of your external environment. You’re stuck chasing the thoughts that are already rattling around in your mind triangle.
Those thoughts stay in your head longer because there are no fresh thoughts coming in from your environment to replace them.
That’s why you can’t snap out of it for a long time. Because you’re stuck in a closed loop.
And it’s why you can’t think of good things to say in a conversation.
SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ATTRACTING WOMEN (OR MEN)?
You want your mind to look like this instead.
That’s what an aware mind looks like when talking to a woman.
An aware mind doesn’t get distracted by impulsive thoughts. It spends less time overanalysing everything because it prioritises taking in MORE new information from your external environment.
It allows you to see subtleties and nuance. Details that you miss with a distracted mind.
Say you’re walking through a crowd. With a distracted mind you only see a crowd, whereas with an aware mind you see faces, eyes, personalities.
When you’re talking to a woman an aware mind gives you better things to talk about. Instead of just seeing a “HOT WOMAN” you notice that her skin feels particularly soft when you shake hands, or you hear something in her voice that sounds a bit like Rihanna, or you pick up a hint of confidence in the way she talks.
Based on those three things that you noticed, you can come up with a ton of things to say:
-
“Wow, your hands are so soft. Do you wash them in butter?!”
-
“How do I make my hands that soft? Look how hard they are.” (also gives you an excuse to touch her)
-
“Are you like a masseuse or something?”
-
“You’re a good singer, aren’t you? Something in your voice reminds me of Rihanna.”
-
“Can you teach me how to sing?”
-
“What’s your karaoke song?”
-
“You have a pretty confident vibe going on. Are you someone’s boss?”
-
“No? Well you should be. It’d be nice to have little minions to boss around, right?”
-
“Is she always so confident? She really sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.” (said to her friends)
It’s also difficult to get anxious when your mind is aware. Your mind doesn’t have time to develop that initial “Will she like me?” thought into full-on anxiety because it has too much new information coming in from your environment.
Thoughts like “What should I say?” fade away quickly, before they have time to grab hold. There ain’t no room for that sh*t in your mind triangle because you’re in the zone. You’re connecting.
SO HOW DO I DEVELOP AN AWARE MIND?
You can see how giving into distracting impulses creates a mind state that kills your confidence and makes it difficult to connect with people.
The good news is you can develop an aware mind with a little practice.
Below is a simple form of meditation that’ll get you there. Think of it as exercise for the brain.
Once you get the hang of it you’ll literally begin to feel a gap between your impulses and your autopilot actions. The gap gives you the awareness to override your impulses and change your behaviour. Once you train your aware mind you’ll be less self-conscious throughout the day and you’ll notice subtler details in your environment.
Many people don’t realise that meditation physically changes your brain. It thickens areas associated with mind wandering and emotional regulation. And the effects stay with you permanently if you meditate regularly.
YOUR CHALLENGE: 20-MINUTE FOCUS MEDITATION
This particular form of meditation is all about bringing your awareness back to an object of focus: the physical sensation of your breath inside your nostrils.
It sounds easy, but takes time to master. You’ll notice how it starts off difficult to stay focused and gets easier when you meditate every day.
To begin, just sit in a chair in a quiet place with your back straight. Rest your hands comfortably in your lap, palms up. These are not strict requirements but they’ll keep things simple when you’re starting out.
Put your awareness on the physical sensation of your breath inside your nostrils. Keep it there.
There is nothing else you need to do for the next 20 minutes, so prepare yourself to simply let go of any thought that will arise, no matter how urgent or innocent it may seem. And keep coming back to the feeling inside your nostrils.
During the twenty minutes, everything that tries to steal your attention away from that feeling of the breath is considered a distraction. Distractions are good. You need them in order to be able to keep coming back to the breath.
So when you notice you’ve been distracted, don’t worry about how long you’ve been distracted for, just think “Oh, distraction” and keep coming back to the breath.
One of the first things you’ll notice when you meditate is a feeling of unsatisfactoriness. The feeling that you want something in this particular moment to be different. You might feel like you’re doing it wrong. This is a distraction. Go back to the breath.
Likewise if you feel like you’re doing it right, this is also a distraction. Just keep coming back to the breath.
All negative thoughts are distractions. All positive thoughts are distractions. Even subtle, neutral thoughts are distractions. Just keep coming back to the breath.
Sometimes you won’t notice that you’ve been distracted for a long time. These distractions are the same impulses that cause you to act on autopilot throughout the day, without realising you’re distracted. Once you eventually realise that you’re distracted, just think “Oh, distraction” and keep coming back to the breath.
The thing that builds your aware mind is NOT staying with the breath longer. It is each moment where you bring your awareness back to the breath.
The thing that overrides your impulsive thoughts is simply choosing to put your attention somewhere else when you notice them. By meditating daily, you get better at noticing them. By putting your attention somewhere else when you notice them, you create a gap between your impulses and your actions.
As you relax, your breathing will become softer, which will require you to pay more attention to the feeling of the breath in your nostrils. When you pay more attention, you will notice subtler details about the feeling, which means your awareness is getting sharper.
You’ll begin to notice distractions earlier.
If you think to yourself “Hey, my awareness is getting sharper. I’m noticing distractions earlier”, that’s a distraction. Go back to the feeling of the breath.
If you have an interesting thought you want to finish, go back to the breath. For instance you might begin to notice that your body is breathing on its own, without YOU consciously breathing, and you are simply observing it. This is great, your awareness is improving… but thinking about this is also a distraction. Go back to the breath.
If you remember something you need to do today, go back to the breath.
If you’re humming along to the rhythm of the breath and focusing on the humming, go back to the feeling of the breath.
If you feel tension in your body, like stress or anxiety, acknowledge that it’s there. Let it be there. It’s okay to feel that. Then go back to the breath.
If you start to feel bored, let yourself feel bored. Embrace the boredom. Then go back to the breath.
And remember that every time you notice you’ve been distracted, you’re making progress.
Is it difficult? Good. That means you need this. It’ll get easier if you keep coming back to it day after day.
When you turn your timer off after 20 minutes, before you get up ask yourself: Do I feel different from when I started my meditation?
Today’s challenge is to meditate for 20 minutes, though I strongly recommend that you also meditate for at least 5-10 minutes every day from now on. Preferably 20. You can build your way up.
This might all sound like hard work, and 20 minutes might seem like a long time, but once you get the hang of it you’ll look forward to your daily meditation sessions and feel rejuvenated afterwards. So put in some work to get to that point.
This daily meditation practice has the power to greatly change your life. You’ll learn to spend less time in your head, take in more information from your environment and find it much easier to connect with people.
And you know what that means (wink wink).
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